The Disappearing Act – AKA: Ghosting

Written by Ali Seca on May 17, 2016

The Disappearing Act – AKA: Ghosting


After months of single life with no potential prospects in sight, I reluctantly agreed to go on my very first blind date with a friend of a friend. I figured, why not give this anonymous man a chance, and if anything, get a free dinner and a cocktail or two out of it. He arrived on time, and was much cuter than I anticipated – ready to surprise me with what he had in store for the night. A 20 minute drive into the city, soundtracked by an endless and easy conversation led us to Queen West hotspot Terroni, where the dim lighting set the mood for an intimate and revealing exchange of stories and laughter. The unpredictable chain of events resulted in a lovely evening, which gave me hope that there may be more of these nights to come. My fear of the blind date with the awkward chatter and uncomfortable silences, were but a myth tonight; not a bad start to something with exceptional potential.

Sounds pretty perfect wouldn’t you agree? Almost too good to be true? Well it was. After that night I was glued to my phone, waiting for him to continue the conversation passed the dinner table. Over the next few days, I sent a couple of messages which went unanswered, leaving me feeling rejected and a bit irritated. After a week of uncomfortable silence and no response in sight, I felt the need to seek advice from a trained professional- one of my closest girlfriends. After a lengthy and obsessive conversation, she informed me that I had just been ghosted [no, not the Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore kind].

Ghosting is defined as a situation when someone abruptly ceases communication with another for no apparent reason and without explanation. This can come in the form of an unanswered text, a few missed calls to that desirable someone, or cancelled plans without any hope of rescheduling. Elle Magazine conducted a poll surveying 185 millennials based on their dating and breakup habits, which concluded that both men and women equally share the role of ghoster.

Waiting by your phone to hear back from that special someone, or a hot date, is a dating tradition that has persisted since the invention of the telephone. The new age of social media and connectivity has made ghosting more prevalent than ever before. One can easily track a ghoster’s activity through news feeds and timelines, where a few taps to the screen can reveal a person’s activity through social media – a new form of cyberstalking that reveals the painful truth. We are constantly attached to our phones as a form of life support, which makes ghosting all the more painful, impactful and immediate. So why do we choose to ghost eachother? While some may think that ghosting is a safe and less painful method of rejection, it ultimately leaves its victims feeling confused and can create cyberstalkers out of the most “normal” of people. I say in this case, saying nothing is worse than saying anything at all!


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